The Myths of Sobriety: ISM & The Three Great Lies

The ISM Behind Addiction

Addiction is often described as an “ISM”—shorthand for I, Self, Me. At its core, it is a disease of isolation and self-centeredness. In active addiction, everything narrows to the next drink, the next pill, the next high. Family, friends, and even personal values are crowded out by the need to feed the ISM.

To those on the outside, this self-centeredness can be baffling. Why can’t someone simply stop for the sake of their family, their career, or their health? But for the addict, the ISM has rewired priorities, making substances appear more urgent than anything else.

That self-focus doesn’t magically disappear with sobriety. Early recovery can feel overwhelming because the ISM is still whispering in the background: I can do this my way. I don’t really need help. I’ll figure it out alone. Without accountability and connection, the ISM quietly sets the stage for relapse.

ISM is also sometimes referred to as “Incredibly Short Memory.” Many in recovery recognize how quickly the pain of addiction fades in hindsight. What once felt unbearable becomes minimized or forgotten—opening the door for relapse before someone realizes how dangerous the path has become.

The Three Great Lies

Alongside the ISM, three common lies sabotage recovery:

1. “It wasn’t that bad.”Denial rewrites the past. The longer someone is sober, the easier it is to minimize the damage they caused—to themselves and others. Forgotten DUIs, broken promises, strained relationships—“not that bad” is the lie that invites relapse. Over time, this thinking creates distance from the urgency of staying sober. It’s the lie that convinces people they don’t really need support anymore—until consequences return with even greater force.

2. “It will be different this time.”This lie is fueled by false confidence. I can handle it now. I’ve learned my lesson. But addiction isn’t managed by willpower—it’s managed by structure, support, and humility. Addiction is also a progressive disease—when someone picks up again, they don’t start fresh, they start where they left off. Relapse under this mindset often accelerates more quickly than before, because the disease has been waiting all along.

3. “I deserve it.”This lie often shows up in moments of stress or even celebration. After a long week or a personal win, the brain whispers: Haven’t I earned this? Don’t I deserve a break? It reframes self-destruction as a reward, and relapse masquerades as self-care. The truth is, what someone truly deserves is freedom, connection, and joy—not another round of harm. Left unchecked, this lie is one of the most seductive and hardest to resist.

These lies don’t appear all at once—they creep in quietly, disguised as reasonable thoughts. But together, they erode sobriety from the inside out.

Why Willpower Alone Doesn’t Work

As discussed in a previous article, grit and self-knowledge are not enough. Addiction is a chronic, relapsing brain disease—it rewires reward systems, motivation, and decision-making. The ISM and the three great lies exploit those vulnerabilities. Without external structure and accountability, even strong, determined people can find themselves slipping back into old patterns.

This is why recovery must be reinforced with systems of support, connection, and daily action. Long-term sobriety isn’t about white-knuckling; it’s about designing a life that makes relapse less likely and thriving more possible.

How Recovery Coaching Breaks the Cycle

Recovery Coaching is uniquely positioned to expose the ISM and counter the three great lies. Coaches provide a safe, judgment-free space to name distorted thinking and replace it with practical strategies that build forward momentum.

Here’s how coaching supports recovery alongside counseling and 12-Step fellowship:

• When denial says “It wasn’t that bad,” a coach helps clients confront reality and practice the 3 R’s™: Repairing relationships, Restoring credibility, and Rebuilding trust.

• When false confidence whispers “It will be different this time,” coaching provides routines, accountability, and goal-setting to ensure change truly sticks.

• When entitlement insists “I deserve it,” a coach reframes reward—aligning actions with values, not cravings.

  
  

Beyond the lies, coaching anchors recovery with daily structure, consistent check-ins, and problem-solving support.

The Trifecta of Recovery comes alive here:

• Counseling helps heal the roots—trauma, anxiety, and old wounds.

• 12-Step programs offer fellowship, humility, and a spiritual foundation.

• Recovery Coaching operationalizes the journey—building routines, sustaining accountability, and reinforcing values in real-world living.

Together, they form a shield against relapse—covering the emotional, spiritual, and practical dimensions of recovery.

Congruism: A Truth-Telling Partner in Recovery

At Congruism, we know the lies of addiction are persuasive. That’s why we walk alongside clients—not to argue with them, but to help them live into the truth. With structure, accountability, and the 3 R’s™—Repairing relationships, Restoring credibility, and Rebuilding trust—our coaches help turn the fragile beginnings of sobriety into a resilient, thriving way of life.

👉 If you or someone you know is navigating recovery, explore how Recovery Coaching can strengthen the journey: Congruism.com